The quiet power: Why silence and responsiveness boost communication in children with delays

ByLondon Speech and Feeding
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The quiet power: Why silence and responsiveness boost communication in children with delays
Supplied by Sonja McGeachie, Practice Owner

As parents and caregivers, our natural instinct when interacting with a child, especially one who struggles with communication, is often to fill every silence. We might ask lots of questions, offer constant commentary, or try to prompt him or her to speak. Our hearts are in the right place. We want to help him or her communicate! However, for children with language delays or those on the autism spectrum, this well-intentioned approach can sometimes inadvertently create more pressure and fewer opportunities for them to truly initiate and develop their own communication skills.

What if I told you that one of the most powerful tools in your communication toolkit is often silence? And that responding to your child, rather than always initiating, can unlock incredible potential?

Let’s explore why these seemingly simple strategies are so profoundly beneficial.

The unspoken benefits of silence

In our fast-paced world, silence can feel awkward, but for a child who is processing language differently, it’s a gift:

  1. Time to process: Children with language delays often need more time to process what they hear and to formulate their own thoughts or responses. When we bombard them with words, we don’t give their brains the crucial milliseconds they need to catch up. A pause of 5–10 seconds can make all the difference.
  2. Reduces pressure: Constant questioning or prompting can feel like a test. Silence removes this pressure, creating a more relaxed environment where the child feels safe to communicate without fear of being ‘wrong’ or rushed.
  3. Creates opportunity to initiate: If you’re always talking, when does your child get a turn to start the conversation? Silence opens up a space for him or her to initiate, whether it’s through a sound, a gesture, eye contact, or a word. This is vital for developing spontaneous communication.
  4. Encourages independent thinking: When a child is given space, he or she is more likely to try to figure things out himself or herself. This fosters problem-solving skills and reduces reliance on adult prompts.
  5. Prevents overwhelm (especially for ASD): Many children on the autism spectrum can be sensitive to auditory input. A constant stream of language can be overwhelming, leading to withdrawal or challenging behaviours. Strategic pauses can help them regulate and engage more effectively.

The power of responding (not just initiating)

Think of a tennis match: if only one person serves, it’s not a game. Communication is a rally, a back-and-forth exchange. When you primarily respond to your child’s communication attempts, you’re teaching him or her the rhythm of conversation:

  1. Follow the child’s lead: This is a cornerstone of effective language intervention, famously championed by programs like Hanen’s ‘It Takes Two to Talk’. When you respond to what your child is already interested in or doing, the interaction becomes immediately relevant and motivating for him or her.
  2. Validates his or her attempts: Every sound, gesture, glance, or partial word your child offers is a communication attempt. By responding to it, you’re telling him or her, ‘I see you. I hear you. Your communication matters.’ This builds immense confidence and encourages him or her to try again.
  3. Builds confidence and motivation: When a child feels understood and successful in his or her communication, he or she are more likely to communicate more often. It’s a positive feedback loop.
  4. Teaches turn-taking naturally: By taking your turn after his or hers, you model the natural flow of conversation. He or she learns that communication is a shared activity, not a one-sided lecture.
  5. Makes interactions meaningful: When you respond to his or her interests, you’re talking about things that are inherently motivating to him or her. This makes the language you use more easily understood and remembered.

Practical strategies for parents: Observe, Wait, Listen (OWL)

The Hanen Centre’s ‘Observe, Wait, Listen’ (OWL) strategy perfectly encapsulates these principles:

  • Observe: Watch your child closely. What is he or she looking at? What is he or she doing? What sounds is he or she making? What gestures is he or she using?
  • Wait: After you’ve observed, wait. Give him or her time. Resist the urge to jump in with a question or comment immediately. Count to five (or even ten) in your head. This silence is an invitation for him or her to communicate.
  • Listen: When he or she does communicate (in any way!), listen intently. Try to understand his or her message or intent.

Beyond OWL – More tips:

  • Reduce questions, increase comments: Instead of ‘What’s that?’ try ‘Oh, a big red ball!’ or ‘The car is going fast!’ Comments provide language models without demanding a verbal response.
  • Expand, don’t just prompt: If your child says ‘Car’, you could respond with ‘Yes, That’s a big car!’ or ‘It’s really fast!’ You’re building on his or her communication with a slightly richer language model.
  • Create opportunities for communication: Place desired items slightly out of reach. This creates a natural reason for your child to communicate his or her wants (e.g., reaching, pointing, vocalising).
  • Respond to all communication: Don’t just wait for words. If your child points, look where he or she is pointing and comment. If he or she makes a sound, imitate it or respond with a related word.

In summary

Embracing silence and prioritising responsiveness might feel counterintuitive at first, especially when you’re eager for your child to talk. However, these powerful strategies create a nurturing, low-pressure environment that encourages spontaneous communication, builds confidence, and truly meets your child where he or she is. By giving your child the space and the meaningful responses he or she needs, you’re laying a strong foundation for his or her communication journey.

Try incorporating these ‘quiet powers’ into your daily interactions and watch your child’s communication blossom.

Sonja McGeachie

Highly Specialist Speech and Language Therapist

Owner of The London Speech and Feeding Practice.

Health Professions Council registered
Royal College of Speech & Language Therapists Member
Member of ASLTIP

Find a speech and language therapist for your child in London. Are you concerned about your child’s speech, feeding or communication skills and don’t know where to turn? Please contact me and we can discuss how I can help you or visit my services page.

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    Pretend Play using Speech and AAC in my clinic room

    But I mainly work on speech sounds… So how does AAC fit?

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    • Unclear speech affecting confidence

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    If a child brings their device to sessions, I actively include it. If they don’t yet use AAC but could benefit from visual or symbolic support, I may introduce simple options within activities.

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    On the device or communication board, we might model: ‘LET’S GO’ or ‘IT’s GOING up the hill’.

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    All responses are valid and supported.

    AAC helps children communicate more than they can say

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    For example:

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    • A child who struggles to plan speech movements may use AAC to communicate smoothly while still practising verbal attempts.
    • A child who becomes frustrated when misunderstood gains a reliable backup system.

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    • Commenting during playdough activities
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    My goal is always the same: to help each child communicate as clearly, confidently, and successfully as possible, using every helpful tool available.

    If your child uses AAC (or might benefit from it)

     Please feel free to:

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    • Show me how your child currently uses it
    • Share advice from school or other therapists

    I am very happy to incorporate AAC into our work together so that speech practice, language development, and real communication all move forward hand-in-hand. Because ultimately, therapy isn’t just about producing perfect sounds. It’s about helping your child be heard and understood.

    If you’d like support or advice, please contact me and I can help guide the next steps.

    Sonja McGeachie

    Highly Specialist Speech and Language Therapist

    Owner of The London Speech and Feeding Practice.

      Health Professions Council registered
      Royal College of Speech & Language Therapists Member
      Member of ASLTIP

      Find a speech and language therapist for your child in London. Are you concerned about your child’s speech, feeding or communication skills and don’t know where to turn? Please contact me and we can discuss how I can help you or visit my services page.

      3
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      Let me show you here a little video clip where I am using my dentist’s mouth/teeth model to help my clients navigate their tongue movements.

      The tongue: A tiny muscle with a big job

      The tongue is a small but mighty muscle. It’s incredibly versatile, playing a key role in eating, swallowing, and, of course, speaking. For each speech sound, the tongue, along with the lips and jaw, needs to move to a very specific spot. Think of it like a dance: every part of your mouth has a choreographed movement to produce the correct sound. If the tongue is out of sync, the sound comes out muffled, distorted, or just plain wrong.

      The trouble with our tongue movements is that most of us never think about how the tongue has to move and what it does to: swallow, chew, drink, suck and speak. Most parents when asked to think about their own tongue placement for say the /S/ sound are completely lost as to what their tongue is doing. Yet, of course, they produce a perfect /S/ and perfect speech in general. The same goes for swallowing. When did you last think about what happens in your mouth when you swallow? I bet you have not thought about it. We ‘just do it’, right?

      Why is tongue placement so important?

      Accurate tongue placement is the foundation of clear articulation. When a child struggles with a particular sound, it’s often because his or her tongue isn’t quite reaching the right spot or moving in the correct way. For example, the /S/ sound requires the tongue to be slightly raised and positioned behind the top teeth, creating a narrow channel for air to flow through. If the tongue is too far forward, you might get a /TH/ sound instead. If it’s too far back, the /S/ can sound muffled.

      Visual aids: Our secret weapon

      We SLTs love our visual aids! They’re incredibly helpful for showing clients exactly where their tongue needs to be. Here are some of our favourite tools:

      • Mirrors: Mirrors provide instant feedback. Clients can see their tongue’s position and make adjustments in real-time. We often use hand mirrors or even the mirror on a compact for quick checks.
      • Tongue depressors: These simple tools can gently guide the tongue to the correct position. We might use them to show where the tongue tip should rest for the /L/ sound or how the sides of the tongue should touch the molars for the /K/ and /G/ sounds.
      • Diagrams and models: Pictures and models of the mouth can help clients visualise the tongue’s movements. We might use a cross-section diagram of the mouth to show how the tongue forms different sounds.

      Beyond the tongue: The jaw’s role

      While the tongue takes centre stage, the jaw plays a supporting role. It provides a stable base for the tongue and helps control the opening and closing of the mouth. Sometimes, jaw stability is an issue, and we might use techniques to help clients find a comfortable and stable jaw position.

      Making it fun and engaging

      Learning correct tongue placement can be challenging, but we make it fun! We use games, stories, and playful activities to keep clients motivated. For younger children, we might use silly voices or pretend to be animals. For older children, we might incorporate their interests, like using a car analogy for tongue movements.

      The takeaway

      Correct tongue placement is essential for clear speech. By using visual aids, interactive techniques, and a bit of creativity, we can help our clients master their speech sounds and communicate with confidence.

      If you have any concerns about your child’s speech, don’t hesitate to reach out to a qualified speech and language therapist, we are here to help! Contact me via my contact form.

      Sonja McGeachie

      Early Intervention Speech and Language Therapist

      Feeding and Dysphagia (Swallowing) Specialist The London Speech and Feeding Practice

      The London Speech and Feeding Practice

      Find a speech and language therapist for your child in London. Are you concerned about your child’s speech, feeding or communication skills and don’t know where to turn? Please contact me and we can discuss how I can help you or visit my services page.

      2