Let’s ditch the ‘Fix-It’ approach to autistic play and stimming

ByLondon Speech and Feeding
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Let’s ditch the 'Fix-It' approach to autistic play and stimming

December is often presented as a time of perfect, reciprocal play. Children are supposed to be unwrapping toys, sharing, and engaging in imaginative scenarios with family. But for parents of young autistic children, this high-pressure, socially demanding period can often feel like a battleground.

If you’ve been told to interrupt your child’s stimming, push for eye contact, or force them to play ‘functionally’ with toys, it’s time to take a deep breath. Those traditional approaches are not only stressful—they often miss the point of your child’s communication.

As a neurodiversity-affirming Speech and Language Therapist, I want to encourage you this December: You are allowed to follow your child’s lead, validate his or her unique interests, and trust that his or her play and movement are profoundly meaningful.

1. Stimming: not a distraction, but a regulator 💡

Stimming is short for self-stimulatory behaviour and includes repetitive movements or sounds like hand flapping, humming, rocking, finger flicking, or repeating phrases (called echolalia).

For years, parents were incorrectly advised to block or eliminate these behaviours. The neurodiversity-affirming view tells us the exact opposite: Stimming is a vital and essential tool for your child’s self-regulation.

Think of stimming as an internal volume dial:

  • Too loud/overwhelmed: Your child may stim to reduce incoming sensory input (e.g., rocking to ground himself or herself in a busy room).
  • Too quiet/under-stimulated: Your child may stim to increase sensory input and focus (e.g., running back and forth to maintain alertness).

The shift: validate, don’t block

Instead of saying, ‘Stop flapping your hands’, try to understand the message behind the movement.

  • Observe: When does the stimming happen? Is it before a meltdown? When your child excited? When your child is bored?
  • Validate: Name the need, not just the behaviour. You might say, ‘I see your body needs to move fast right now. That helps you calm down!’
  • Co-regulate: If the stim is unsafe (e.g., head-banging), help your child find a safer, alternative stim that meets the same sensory need (e.g., pushing hard against a wall, squeezing a stress ball).

By validating your child’s need to regulate, you are building trust, reducing anxiety, and teaching him or her critical self-awareness.

2. Autistic play: Meaningful, even if it’s monologue

The traditional idea of ‘good play’ often involves turn-taking, pretending, and specific toy functions (e.g., pushing a train around a track). When an autistic child spends 30 minutes lining up cars, spinning their wheels, or scripting whole scenes from a favourite movie, it can often be dismissed as non-functional or repetitive.

In neurodiversity-affirming practice, we recognise that autistic play is authentic play. These activities are crucial for learning, deep focus, and imaginative development.

  • Lining up toys may be an exploration of patterns, visual organisation, and order.
  • Spinning wheels may be a deep interest in cause-and-effect and visual sensory input.
  • Scripting is often a way to process language, regulate emotions, and practise complex social situations in a safe, controlled way.

Make a change: Join your child’s world, don’t drag them to yours.

Stop trying to force the ‘right’ way to play. Instead, try these neuro-affirming strategies:

  1. Be a co-regulator, not a director: If your child is lining up cars, sit down next to him or her. Instead of moving a car, try handing him or her another car to line up. Focus on the shared interest rather than forcing interaction.
  2. Narrate (don’t question): Avoid constantly asking, ‘What are you doing?’ or ‘What does this car say?’ This puts pressure on your child to perform. Instead, narrate your observations using his or her interest: ‘I see you made a long, straight line of red cars. Look at all the wheels spinning!’
  3. Validate the interest: Show genuine appreciation for your child’s focus. ‘Wow, you know so much about how magnets stick together! That’s incredible.’

3. The communication revolution: Honouring gestalt language processing 

Many young autistic children communicate in ways that don’t fit the traditional model of building language word-by-word. Many use Gestalt Language Processing (GLP).

A gestalt language processor learns language in chunks or scripts (e.g., ‘what’s-in-there?’ or ‘ready-go!’). These chunks (or gestalts) are not random; they are often tied to an emotional memory or meaning. Over time, the child breaks down these big chunks into individual words then learns to recombine those words creatively.

If your child repeats movie phrases or whole sentences that seem unrelated, he or she is likely a gestalt language processor!

Affirm the script, then model something useful.

  1. Affirm the script: When your child says a script, respond to the meaning or emotion behind it, not the literal words. If he or she says, ‘We’re going to need a bigger boat’, and he or she is looking at a messy toy pile, he or she may be trying to express overwhelm or a need for help. You can affirm: ‘That pile is too big! I can help you move it.’
  2. Model new ‘mix and match’ scripts: To help your child move from whole scripts to single words, you can model shorter, slightly changed versions of the script, also called ‘mitigated gestalts’. If they say, ‘I want to go home now’, you might model, ‘Let’s go home, now’ or ‘I wanna go home’.

By honouring your child’s communication style, you validate his or her experience and naturally support his or her path to language development—a core part of neurodiversity-affirming SLT.

Your December gift to your little one:

This December, stop trying to make your child fit into a neurotypical box. Instead, make your home a safe space where he or she can be his or her authentic selves.

Prioritise regulation and connection over compliance.

Trust that when your child is regulated, his or her communication, learning, and engagement will flourish naturally. This is the true gift of neurodiversity-affirming practice.

Download and print my neuro-affirming quick reference guide and keep this guide handy on your fridge and/or in your child’s play area for a quick reminder to prioritise connection over conformity.

Sonja McGeachie

Highly Specialist Speech and Language Therapist

Owner of The London Speech and Feeding Practice.

Health Professions Council registered
Royal College of Speech & Language Therapists Member
Member of ASLTIP

Find a speech and language therapist for your child in London. Are you concerned about your child’s speech, feeding or communication skills and don’t know where to turn? Please contact me and we can discuss how I can help you or visit my services page.

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    I am always delighted to work on speech sound disorders, I love the challenge and the successes we can celebrate together. Get in touch with me!

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    Do get in touch if you would like to book an appointment where we can explore how to help your child develop and thrive

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    Telling a child to ‘just add the S’ rarely works.

    Instead, I meet them where they are already successful.

    In this clip, the child can already say ‘dar’ clearly. That’s our starting point.

    Backward chaining: building speech from success

    Backward chaining means we:

    1. Start with the part of the word the child can already say
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    • secure the ending
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    This approach reduces frustration, builds confidence, and helps the sound stick not just in the therapy room, but out in the real world.

    Why this matters beyond one word

    This isn’t just about saying ‘star’.

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    • teaching the mouth a new movement pattern
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    • and helping the child feel capable, not corrected

    When therapy feels safe and successful, children are far more likely to generalise their new sounds into everyday speech.

    Speech therapy works best when children feel supported not tested.

    If your child struggles with speech clarity

    If your child:

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    • or becomes frustrated when they’re not understood

    This is the kind of work I do every day building speech step by step, in a way that respects each child’s pace and strengths.

    Support can be gentle, effective, and empowering.

    If you’d like to learn more about how speech therapy can support your child, you’re always welcome to get in touch.

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    Owner of The London Speech and Feeding Practice.

    Health Professions Council registered
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    Member of ASLTIP

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    I had a mum ask me about Baby Led Weaning the other day. So I thought I would write a blog on all the useful questions she had and what we discussed as it may help lots of mums and dads out there.

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    As a Paediatric Feeding SLT, one of the exciting developments in recent years is the growing interest in baby-led weaning (BLW). This approach to introducing solids has gained significant traction, and for good reason. It empowers infants to take the lead in their feeding journey, fostering a positive relationship with food and supporting important developmental milestones.

    What exactly is baby-led weaning?

    At its core, baby-led weaning is about offering your baby appropriately sized and textured solid foods from the very beginning, allowing him or her to self-feed. Instead of spoon-feeding purées, you present whole, soft foods that your baby can grasp, bring to his or her mouth, and explore at his or her own pace. This means no mashing, no blending, and no forcing spoons into reluctant mouths. It’s a fun, messy, and intuitive process that is led by your baby’s natural instincts.

    The genesis of baby-led weaning

    ‘Baby-led weaning’ was popularised by British health visitor Gill Rapley. In the early 2000s, Rapley observed that babies naturally develop the skills needed to self-feed and that traditional spoon-feeding might actually hinder this development. Her work, particularly her book Baby-Led Weaning: The Essential Guide to Introducing Solid Foods (co-authored with Tracey Murkett), published in 2008, brought BLW into the mainstream and provided a structured framework for parents. Her research and observations highlighted the benefits of trusting a baby’s innate ability to regulate his or her intake and explore different textures.

    What’s the deal?

    Implementing BLW is simpler than you might think, though it does require a shift in mindset. Here’s a breakdown of what it typically involves:

    • Readiness is key: The golden rule of BLW is to wait until your baby shows clear signs of readiness. This isn’t about age alone, but rather developmental milestones. Your baby should be at least six months old, able to sit unassisted, have good head and neck control, show an interest in food (e.g., reaching for yours), and have lost his or her tongue-thrust reflex (which pushes solids out of his or her mouth).
    • Offer finger foods: Start with soft, easily graspable foods cut into finger-sized sticks or spears. Think cooked sweet potato fries, steamed broccoli florets (soft enough to mash with gentle pressure), banana sticks, or avocado slices. The goal is for babies to be able to pick it up and get some into their mouth.
    • Embrace the mess: BLW is inherently messy, especially in the beginning. Food will be squished, dropped, and smeared. This is a crucial part of the learning process as babies explore textures, smells, and the properties of food. A wipeable mat under the highchair and a good bib are your best friends!
    • Observe, don’t interfere: Allow your baby to lead. He or she will decide what to eat, how much, and how quickly. Avoid putting food into his or her mouth or pressuring him or her to eat more. This respects his or her hunger and fullness cues, laying the foundation for healthy eating habits.
    • Continue breastmilk or formula: Until your baby is well-established on solids, breastmilk or formula remains his or her primary source of nutrition. Solids are for exploration, taste, and developing skills, gradually increasing in quantity over time.

    The benefits of baby-led weaning

    The advantages of BLW extend far beyond simply getting food into your baby. From a speech and feeding perspective, the benefits are compelling:

    • Develops oral motor skills: Chewing, gnawing, and manipulating various food textures are crucial for developing the muscles in the mouth, jaw, and tongue. This strengthens the oral motor skills necessary for speech development.
    • Enhances fine motor skills and hand-eye coordination: The act of grasping food, bringing it to the mouth, and coordinating these movements significantly refines fine motor skills and hand-eye coordination.
    • Promotes self-regulation and intuitive eating: By allowing babies to control their intake, BLW helps them tune into their own hunger and fullness cues, fostering a healthy relationship with food and reducing the likelihood of overeating.
    • Encourages adventurous eating: Exposure to a wide variety of tastes and textures from the outset can lead to less picky eating later. Babies are more likely to accept new foods when they have been in control of their exploration.
    • Facilitates family mealtimes: BLW integrates babies into family mealtimes from an early age, promoting social interaction and making mealtime a shared, enjoyable experience.

    When is baby-led weaning appropriate, and when not?

    While BLW offers numerous benefits, it’s not a one-size-fits-all approach.

    When BLW is appropriate:

    • When your baby meets all the developmental readiness signs: This is paramount for safety and success.
    • When you are comfortable with the mess and the learning curve: It requires patience and a relaxed attitude.
    • When you are committed to offering a variety of safe, appropriate foods.
    • When you are willing to learn about and practise safe food preparation to minimise choking hazards.

    When BLW might not be appropriate (or requires extra caution and professional guidance):

    • If your baby has a history of prematurity or significant developmental delays: His or her oral motor skills might not be sufficiently developed.
    • If your baby has certain medical conditions or anatomical differences (e.g., cleft palate, severe reflux, swallowing difficulties): These may necessitate a modified approach to feeding.
    • If there are significant feeding difficulties, aversion, or a history of choking incidents.
    • If you feel overly anxious about choking: While BLW, when done correctly, is not associated with a higher choking risk than traditional weaning, parental anxiety can impact the feeding experience. Education and consultation with a professional can help alleviate these concerns.

    A note on safety: Choking hazards

    It’s crucial to understand the difference between gagging and choking. Gagging is a natural reflex that helps prevent choking and is very common in BLW as babies learn to manage food in their mouths. Choking is silent and serious. To minimise choking risks:

    • Always supervise your baby closely during mealtimes.
    • Offer appropriately sized and textured foods. Avoid small, round, hard foods like whole grapes, nuts, popcorn, and large chunks of meat.
    • Ensure your baby is sitting upright and calm.
    • Educate yourself on infant CPR.

    Final thoughts

    Baby-led weaning is a wonderfully empowering approach that celebrates a baby’s natural abilities and fosters a positive and independent relationship with food. As Speech and Language Therapists we often see the positive impact it has on oral motor development, self-regulation, and overall feeding confidence. By understanding what it entails, when it’s appropriate, and prioritising safety, you can embark on this exciting journey with your little one, helping him or her become a confident and capable eater from the very first bite.

    If you would like help and support with weaning your baby whilst continuing to breastfeed then please get in touch!

    Sonja McGeachie

    Highly Specialist Speech and Language Therapist

    Owner of The London Speech and Feeding Practice.

    Health Professions Council registered
    Royal College of Speech & Language Therapists Member
    Member of ASLTIP

    Find a speech and language therapist for your child in London. Are you concerned about your child’s speech, feeding or communication skills and don’t know where to turn? Please contact me and we can discuss how I can help you or visit my services page.

    1

  • Why imitation is a powerful strategy to support social communication

    ByLondon Speech and Feeding

    Before reading this blog, it’s important to understand what we mean by ‘social communication’ and ‘imitation’. Social communication is more complex than it first appears. It refers to many aspects of communication such as body language, voice, conversational skills, social ‘rules’ (such as being polite and using manners), interpersonal skills (such as developing friendships), and emotional literacy (such as appropriacy and developing self-awareness). Imitation refers to the simple act of copying.

    You may have noticed that your child has difficulties in some of the areas mentioned above. They might be less responsive to you and appear to be quite happy in their own world. Whilst we do not want to change their unique characteristics, we do need to prepare them for future experiences, and what is socially acceptable.

    How will copying my child develop their social communication?

    1. If your child is already engaged with a certain activity, they are already interested and motivated. You’re not competing for their attention.
    2. Both yours and your child’s attention is on the same activity which makes imitating for you (as the parent) easier.
    3. Studies have demonstrated that when a parent imitates a child, they are more likely to look at the adult.
    4. Imitation not only supports eye contact but supports facial expressions (such as smiling), may increase vocalisations, and encourages your child to sit closer to you.
    5. Children learn through trial and error. They may start to try to perform new actions to gain their parents attention. Let your child lead the play!!

    How do I start imitating my child?

    1. Start with observing them. Take the time just to watch. You don’t need to make notes. Sit back and observe their actions, movements, and sounds they make.
    2. Wait for your child’s reaction when they realise you are copying their actions. Remember they may not notice, you don’t need to remind them, simply copy them again.
    3. Having the same set up as your child allows them to feel in control. So, you may have two sets of the same activity rather than copying using their set of toys.

    This may sound daunting, but it doesn’t have to be. Start with a ten-minute time frame where you choose to copy your child. This is where you can practise your imitation strategy. Ten minutes a day is far more effective than an hour every two weeks. You may feel self-conscious but trust the process. Build your confidence, whilst exposing your child’s to increased language and communication, enabling them to develop vital social communication skills.

    Look at the video above to watch the strategy in action!

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    Find a speech and language therapist for your child in London. Are you concerned about your child’s speech, feeding or communication skills and don’t know where to turn? Please contact me and we can discuss how I can help you or visit my services page.

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