Why tongue lateralisation matters: The hidden feeding skill that every toddler needs

ByLondon Speech and Feeding
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When parents think about feeding milestones, they often focus on what their child is eating. Are they accepting lumps? Will they eat vegetables? Are they managing finger foods?

However, one of the most important skills happening behind the scenes is something many parents have never heard of: tongue lateralisation.

Tongue lateralisation simply means the tongue’s ability to move from side to side inside the mouth. Although this sounds like a small movement, it is one of the key building blocks for safe chewing, efficient eating and later speech development.

As a Speech and Language Therapist specialising in infant feeding, I frequently assess children who have delayed or absent tongue lateralisation. The encouraging news is that this skill can often be developed. But like many areas of development, there is an optimal window during which children learn it most naturally.

What does the tongue actually do during eating?

Eating is an incredibly complex process involving the lips, jaw, cheeks, tongue and swallowing muscles all working together.

For mature chewing, the tongue needs to:

  • move food from the centre of the mouth onto the back gums and molars
  • keep the food positioned while the jaw chews
  • collect scattered pieces of food from around the mouth
  • reform the chewed food into a single cohesive bolus
  • move that bolus safely to the middle of the tongue before swallowing.

Without good tongue lateralisation, food often stays in the middle or front of the mouth where it cannot be chewed effectively.

Children may compensate by:

  • swallowing pieces whole
  • mashing food with the front teeth only
  • relying on sucking instead of chewing
  • holding food in their cheeks
  • gagging frequently
  • refusing more challenging textures altogether.

These children are often described as ‘fussy eaters’, when in reality they may simply lack the oral motor skills needed to manage more advanced textures comfortably.

When should tongue lateralisation develop?

Tongue lateralisation begins to emerge during the second half of the first year of life as babies start exploring textured foods.

Between approximately 6 and 12 months, babies naturally begin learning to move food sideways towards their gums for early chewing. As molars develop during the second year, these movements become more refined and efficient.

This period represents an important developmental window because babies are biologically programmed to experiment with increasingly varied textures. Repeated opportunities to chew different foods strengthen the tongue, jaw and cheek muscles while building the complex movement patterns needed for mature eating.

If a child remains on smooth purées or very soft foods for too long, they may miss hundreds of opportunities to practise these essential movements.

Why does this developmental window matter?

Like learning to crawl, walk or ride a bicycle, oral motor skills develop through repeated practice.

Children who do not experience enough chewing opportunities during infancy can sometimes continue to rely on immature sucking and munching patterns well into toddlerhood.

This does not mean the opportunity is completely lost after infancy. Many toddlers can still learn tongue lateralisation successfully with the right support. However, the longer an immature pattern is used, the more established it becomes, making change more challenging.

That is why early assessment is so valuable.

Signs your toddler may have poor tongue lateralisation

You may notice your child:

  • chews mainly with the front teeth
  • bites but does not chew efficiently
  • keeps food in the centre of the mouth
  • pockets food in the cheeks
  • frequently spits out textured foods
  • gags on lumps
  • prefers soft foods
  • swallows before food has been adequately chewed
  • takes a very long time to finish meals.

Not every child showing these signs has an oral motor difficulty, but they do warrant further assessment.

How can we encourage tongue lateralisation?

The good news is that the tongue learns through experience.

One of the best ways to encourage side-to-side movement is by offering long, resistive foods that naturally encourage the tongue to move food towards the side gums for chewing. We also call them sometimes HARD MUNCHABLES – they look like on the following image.

Hard munchablers

Examples include:

  • mango pits with most of the flesh removed
  • pineapple core strips
  • thick steak strips
  • cooked pork strips
  • peeled celery sticks
  • thick cucumber spears
  • roasted pepper strips
  • corn on the cob cut into manageable rounds
  • dehydrated apple rings
  • large clean cooked rib bones with a little meat remaining for supervised chewing practice.

These foods are not intended for children to consume large pieces quickly. Instead, they provide resistance that encourages the jaw, cheeks and tongue to work together while giving valuable sensory feedback.

A simple technique that can help

Some toddlers struggle because they never naturally move food to the side of their mouths.

In these cases, placing a long strip of food gently onto the side gums can sometimes trigger the chewing pattern automatically. This gives the tongue an opportunity to experience where chewing should occur.

This should always be done calmly, with the child sitting upright and under close adult supervision.

Every child develops differently

Some children are more likely to experience delayed tongue lateralisation than others.

This may include children who:

  • remained on purées for an extended period
  • have developmental delays
  • have low muscle tone
  • were born prematurely
  • have significant sensory processing differences
  • have experienced prolonged tube feeding or medical conditions affecting feeding.

A feeding assessment can identify whether tongue movement, jaw stability, sensory processing or another factor is contributing to the difficulty.

Early intervention makes a difference

One of the biggest misconceptions I hear is:

‘They’ll grow out of it.’

Some children do. Others don’t.

Without intervention, inefficient chewing patterns can persist for years, affecting food variety, mealtime confidence and nutritional intake. In some cases, immature oral motor patterns may also contribute to unclear speech production later on, although feeding and speech skills do not always develop at the same rate.

The earlier we identify a problem, the easier it usually is to help children develop more mature, efficient chewing patterns.

Final thoughts

Tongue lateralisation may not be a term many parents recognise, but it is one of the foundations of successful feeding.

By offering opportunities to chew a variety of safe textures during infancy, parents help build the complex tongue movements needed for efficient eating throughout childhood.

If your toddler still struggles with chewing, gags on textured foods, or seems unable to move food around their mouth, don’t simply wait and hope they will outgrow it. A comprehensive feeding assessment can identify exactly where the difficulty lies and provide practical strategies tailored to your child’s needs.

Sometimes a few small changes at the right time can make a lifetime of difference. Do get in touch with me. I would love to hear from you and help your little one develop good chewing skills and eating habits.

Sonja McGeachie

Highly Specialist Speech and Language Therapist

Owner of The London Speech and Feeding Practice.

Health Professions Council registered
Royal College of Speech & Language Therapists Member
Member of ASLTIP

Find a speech and language therapist for your child in London. Are you concerned about your child’s speech, feeding or communication skills and don’t know where to turn? Please contact me and we can discuss how I can help you or visit my services page.

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    The role of spinning and swinging in speech and language therapy

    ByLondon Speech and Feeding
    Sonja with a child on a swinging with a stuffed monkey

    Spinning and swinging are often observed behaviours in autistic children. While these actions might seem repetitive or unusual to some, they serve crucial functions for these children. Understanding the underlying reasons for spinning and swinging can provide valuable insights into how to support autistic children and incorporate these activities into therapeutic settings.

    Why do children spin?

    Spinning is a common sensory-seeking activity in autistic children. Sensory seeking means that the child actively looks for sensory input to regulate their nervous system. Here’s why spinning can be beneficial:

    • Vestibular input: Spinning stimulates the vestibular system, which is located in the inner ear and is responsible for balance and spatial orientation. For children with sensory processing difficulties, spinning can provide essential sensory input.
    • Calming effect: For some children, spinning can be a self-regulating strategy. The rhythmic motion can help to calm the nervous system and reduce anxiety.
    • Sensory exploration: Spinning allows children to explore their sensory experiences. It can help them understand their bodies and how they move in space.

    The allure of swinging

    The rhythmic back-and-forth motion of a swing offers several benefits:

    • Vestibular input: Like spinning, swinging stimulates the vestibular system, helping to improve balance and coordination.
    • Proprioceptive input: Swinging provides proprioceptive input, which is the sense of where your body is in space. This information is crucial for motor planning and coordination.
    • Calming and organising: The rhythmic motion of swinging can have a calming effect on the nervous system, helping to regulate emotions and improve focus.
    • Social interaction: Swinging can be a shared experience, fostering social interaction and communication.
    • Facilitating communication: While swinging, children are so much more relaxed and open to communication. The rhythmic motion can also help facilitate singing, humming, listening to my singing, non-verbal communication for sure but also more verbal and mouth words can be heard from children on my swing. If nothing else, it is so fun and helps build trust and rapport between my child and me.

    Therapeutic Activities Combining Spinning, Swinging, and Speech and Language Therapy

    Here are some therapeutic techniques that I use at London Speech and Feeding to combine movement with speech and language development:

    • Swinging with verbal prompts: While the child is swinging, I provide simple verbal prompts such as ‘up’, ‘down’, ‘fast’, and ‘slow.’ This helps to develop receptive language skills and improve auditory processing.
    • Sensory-motor play: I like to combine swinging with tactile activities like playing with textured balls or bean bags. This can facilitate language development through descriptive language, words and scripts like: ‘that’s so soft’, ‘oooh tickle tickle tickle!’
    • Storytelling on the swing: Often I manage to create a story while the child is swinging. This can improve narrative skills, vocabulary, and imagination. Recently I did the ‘Tiger who came to tea’ story and each time the swing stopped the tiger came and ‘ate some more cakes’ and ‘tickled their tummy’ whilst eating. It may make not much sense but my child loved it and we had ‘more tiger eat more’.
    • Song and rhyme time: Often I sing the ‘rumble in the jungle’ song while swinging my child to enhance phonological awareness, rhythm, and timing.
    • Visual supports always help: I use LAMP Words for Life AAC support during swinging and show core words such as: ‘go’ / ‘stop’/ ‘more’ / ‘tickle tickle’ etc. #lampwordsforlife #aac
    • Movement-based activities: We can incorporate activities that require sequencing, such as imitating animal movements or following simple commands while swinging. This can improve motor planning and language comprehension.

    For more information follow me on Instagram, Facebook or LinkedIn.

    Sonja McGeachie

    Early Intervention Speech and Language Therapist

    Feeding and Dysphagia (Swallowing) Specialist The London Speech and Feeding Practice

    The London Speech and Feeding Practice

    Find a speech and language therapist for your child in London. Are you concerned about your child’s speech, feeding or communication skills and don’t know where to turn? Please contact me and we can discuss how I can help you or visit my services page.

    1
  • · ·

    A helpful addition in my toolbox for lisp correction

    ByLondon Speech and Feeding

    Meet the MUPPY – a vestibular orthodontic plate

    I have become very well versed in Lisp Correction because so many children come to me with this problem! And I absolutely love lisp correction and Articulation Therapy! Please take a look at my blog on tips and tricks for correcting a lisp.

    The MUPPY

    Over the years I have created my unique style of remediating an Interdental Lisp and as part of my treatment I sometimes use an Orthodontic Tool, called the ‘MUPPY’, which I purchase directly from Germany. I first discovered it some years ago when working with a child with Down Syndrome. Back then I was searching for additional support with my student’s jaw grading and mouth closure difficulties and that’s when I first came across this little tool as recommended by one of my colleagues, a specialist orthodontist in Germany.

    I was a bit sceptical at first but I have used it now many times for three years on a variety of clients with varying degrees of lisps. I find it really helps together and in addition to all my other techniques which are language and motor based.

    How do I use it?

    The MUPPY is a custom-made mouth plate that gently repositions the tongue, encouraging correct tongue placement for clearer speech. It sits comfortably between the lips and teeth; a thin wire sits right behind the teeth, inside the oral cavity.

    The plate I like to use for lisp correction has a pearl in the middle. As soon as it is in situ the tongue starts fishing for the pearl and thereby keeps on moving up towards the correct place on the hard palate, just behind the front teeth. This is the place where the tongue tip needs to be for all the alveolar sounds our students find so hard to make.

    How does this help reduce a lisp?

    A lisp results mainly from incorrect tongue placement during sound production – though at times atypical dentition also contributes to the problem. Specifically, an interdental lisp occurs when the tongue protrudes between the teeth during the production of sounds like /S/ and /Z/. The tongue is often described by parents as ‘thrusting forward’ but I find that is rarely the case. Most often the tongue simply protrudes forward, which is different to tongue thrusting, a more forceful and involuntary movement. Most often I see a habitual tongue protrusion not only for /S/ and /Z/ but also for /T/, /D/, /L/ and /N/. Often /SH/ and ZH/ are also affected.

    To visualise this:

    1. A correct /S/ sound looks like this: The tongue tip is raised and touches the alveolar ridge (the bony, slightly uneven ridge behind the upper teeth). The sides of the tongue touch the upper molars.
    2. Interdental lisp: The tongue tip protrudes between the front teeth, creating a /TH/ sound.
    3. Lateral lisp: Here the mechanics of the tongue are different. But using the MUPPY can help here too. To visualise a lateral lisp, the sides of the tongue are not raised high enough, allowing air to escape over the sides. This results in a ‘slushy’ or ‘wet’ sound.

    Understanding the specific type of lisp is crucial for targeted therapy and successful correction.

    The Vestibular Plate (Muppy) HELPS to guide the tongue towards the right place from where we shape the NEW SOUND.

    Methods

    Most important to my articulation work re lisping are the motor- and language-based techniques I use, as broadly described below:

    • A thorough oral examination, tongue movements, lip closure, dentition, jaw grading, breath coordination, cheek tonicity, palatal form
    • Discussion on awareness and motivation of child to work on their speech
    • Contrasting sounds at the beginning and end of words: sing vs thing / sink vs think / mess vs mesh etc to raise awareness that it matters what sounds we use in speech and that just one sound can change the meaning of a word completely
    • Mirror work, pulling faces, moving our tongue voluntarily
    • Exploring the oral cavity and thinking about all the parts of the tongue and the palate
    • Finding the alveolar ridge and placing the tongue there at rest
    • Then working towards a good baseline of the other alveolar sounds: /T/ /D/ /L/ /N/ and from there we work towards our NEW /S/ SOUND.

    I use a variety of picture clues depending on what is most meaningful for my student:

    The child likes a train set, I use the TIRED TRAIN SOUND.

    The child knows about bike or car tyres, I use the FLAT TYRE SOUND.

    With a student who loves a balloon I might use the FLAT BALLOON SOUND.

    And we work our way from correct tongue placement to these long /SSSSSSSSS/ sounds with the help of these visual cues, but also gestural and hand cues such as Jane Passy’s Cued Articulation sound for /S/.

    I really love helping children correct their speech sound, be it an articulatory difficulty like the lisp or a phonological difficulty such as ‘fronting’ or ‘gliding’ and I also love working with motor-based speech difficulties we see in Childhood Apraxia of Speech. Feel invited to get in touch if your child needs help in these areas.

    Sonja McGeachie

    Early Intervention Speech and Language Therapist

    Feeding and Dysphagia (Swallowing) Specialist The London Speech and Feeding Practice

    The London Speech and Feeding Practice

    Find a speech and language therapist for your child in London. Are you concerned about your child’s speech, feeding or communication skills and don’t know where to turn? Please contact me and we can discuss how I can help you or visit my services page.

    1
  • · ·

    Strategies to support children with eating difficulties

    ByLondon Speech and Feeding

    where the cause is NOT a swallowing problem, but we are having a “fussy eater” in the family, seeming for no obvious reason

    When parents have a child who find mealtimes or eating difficult, it can put pressure on the whole family dynamics. Once we have observed a child’s eating and drinking skills and found that they are not swallowing impaired, but are for want of a better word “fussy” or “picky”, we can then start to look at what might be underpinning the food aversions/picky eating/food avoidance. Two of the main questions parents have (of course) are:

    • ‘is my child getting the right nutrition?’
    • ‘how can I have less anxiety-provoking and stressful mealtimes?’

    We all tend to have an image in our minds about the ‘perfect mealtime’, and how mealtimes ‘should’ be. Speech and Language Therapists with a Feeding Specialism are the perfect professionals to help you unpick feeding issues. We are trained to look at swallowing and oral skills and we also know a lot about feeding behaviours and sensory difficulties which could be causing your child’s eating avoidance.

    Here are some strategies that can support children with their eating:

    1. Create and maintain a mealtime culture that suits your home and lifestyle. Then stick to that. We all need some routine in our lives to thrive. Mealtimes are no different. It might be that you eat in the same place for every meal, with the same knives and forks, concentrating on maintaining good posture. Children learn by repetition so the more familiar it is, the easier they will find it. In the physical sense, our bodies also need preparing for food, regardless of whether we are eating with our mouths or we are tube-fed. We want every child to connect all the dots of the process. It starts with their eyes, noses, expectations, memories of past experiences, feelings and then finally their mouths….
    2. Be an excellent role model. Children learn through watching others, so your child will be observing you without you knowing. Ensure that you are positive about the food you are all eating, and talk about how delicious, tasty, juicy, and yummy the foods are. Make the atmosphere around the dinner table light hearted. Even though you are secretly stressed about your child not eating, try and not show this. Instead pick a topic or put on some nice music, or talk about something your child might be interested in, and try and avoid coercing your child to eat. Leave small finger foods on their plates and have a range of foods available on the table so that your child can see that everyone is eating a range of foods and enjoying them.
    3. Use positive reinforcement. Try and think of mealtimes as fun and motivating. Children who are happy will likely be more inclined to try foods and take part in family mealtimes. Reward all interactions around food, so if your child merely touches a new food then praise this behaviour. Or if your child licks a food just once, again make a nice comment and praise your child for touching and licking the food. The takeaway here is to try and keep all messages positive around food.
    4. Keep offering all types of food. What often happens is that parents stop serving foods they know will not be eaten. This makes sense in a way; we don’t want wastage! However, try and keep the doors open and re-offer all types of foods, even the ones that your child has not wanted in the past. Try and give your child one food they will like and one food they have tasted before and liked before, even a little, and then one new food to try. So, your child always has something to fall back on and they can join in with eating. But they can also try (or at least look at and think about trying) other foods that you and perhaps the siblings are eating.

    Take a look at this website, I find it very helpful in showing parents what types of foods and how big a portion to offer

    Have a go and try and implement some of the ideas above, and should you get stuck please get in touch!

    Find a speech and language therapist for your child in London. Are you concerned about your child’s speech, feeding or communication skills and don’t know where to turn? Please contact me and we can discuss how I can help you or visit my services page.

    0
  • · · ·

    How do we play with our Gestalt Language Processors?

    ByLondon Speech and Feeding
    Image by Freepik

    Child-led therapy

    When working with Gestalt Language Processors, it is always advisable to use child-led therapy. What does that mean? Child led therapy involves following a child’s interests and allowing her/him to lead the play activity throughout the speech and language therapy session. In other words, instead of having my own ideas of what we might want to play with or what activities I might try and use, I provide a range of toys I know the child likes or has played well with before; then I wait for the child to pick what she/he enjoys doing.

    Play can be very repetitive and we can often see our child cycling back to the same one or two toys throughout the session. But this is what she/he needs to do at that time and it means that we have focused attention and engagement. This in turn is very helpful for the therapeutic process, which is to offer great scripts and phrases/words alongside what she/he is playing with.

    Monotropic minds

    Often the mind of autistic children is more strongly pulled towards a smaller number of interests or hobbies as I like to call them. Dr Dinah Murray, Dr Winn Lawson and Mike Lesser have found in 2005 that autistic people have ‘monotropic’ minds. They explain that autistic children focus their energy on a narrow range of activities as the energy required to switch between several toys is much higher than we would see in the neuro-typical population.

    Gestalt Language Processors are often also Gestalt Cognitive Processors. This is when experiences are retained as episodic events and memories. An event is remembered by specific parts of the same event. And, therefore, these specific parts should always be part of that event, when the event is repeated.

    Should any of the specifics be changed or are missing, then this can cause great upset to Gestalt Cognitive Processors. So, for example, if the last two times in speech therapy we had the train set out and this was played with happily, then this becomes a specific part of the whole session. If, I then don’t offer the train set the third time a child comes to see me, this could be very upsetting.

    This is why I tend to try this out and see what happens. Usually in the 3rd or 4th session: I might not bring out the car run that has hitherto been super successful to see if we are able to transition well to other toys. If yes, then we can have new experiences but if not then I will re-offer the car run/or whatever toy pretty quickly so as not to cause complete dysregulation.

    A few pointers below which help with child-led play:

    Introduce a few new toys and see what happens

    Parents are encouraged to bring some familiar toys their child likes to the session. We can then introduce a couple of different toys to see how we go. Try offering a new toy alongside the familiar one; try offering new toys without the familiar one present, but be prepared to re-offer the “old” toy should our child get upset.

    Rotate toys and don’t offer out too many toys

    I find that children can get overwhelmed and overstimulated by too many items out all at once. I always talk to parents about toy rotation at home and I encourage storage and ‘tidy up’ of toys so that we can increase attention focus, and also maintain freshness and new interest in older toys.

    Some children are not yet ready to play with toys

    Here I suggest people games: these are games where the adult becomes part of a more motor-based activity. Some call it ‘rough and tumble play’ but it can be nursery rhymes such as sleeping bunnies/row row the boat or peek-a-boo for the younger ones.

    Copy/Imitation is so important – try getting two identical or similar play items

    When we are copying our child, it is often not desirable to ‘take turns’ with their toys/blogs/cars etc as our child may not be ready to let us take a turn. Instead, if we have the exact same toy that our child is having then we can play alongside our child and copy them perfectly without interrupting their play.

    References:

    Murray, D., Lesser, M., & Lawson, W. (2005). Attention, monotropism and the diagnostic criteria for autism. Autism, 9(2), 139-156.

    If you need help with your child, please do not hesitate to contact me.

    Find a speech and language therapist for your child in London. Are you concerned about your child’s speech, feeding or communication skills and don’t know where to turn? Please contact me and we can discuss how I can help you or visit my services page.

    0
  • ·

    Explore activities for Gestalt Language Processors to aid communication

    ByLondon Speech and Feeding
    Speech Therpaist in London

    When you have a child who uses Gestalts it is often difficult to think and adapt clinic activities into those to use at home. More importantly, you find that individualising your activities for your child who uses Gestalt are time-consuming. But you value its importance for their communication development.

    You feel so busy, you are taking them to other appointments, or trying to get through your daily activities, all whilst still ensuring your child’s emotional needs are met. You know life should not get in the way of your child’s therapy activities at home, but it does. We know your spare time is precious and limited, so let us achieve your child’s or young person’s goals in the allotted time you have which meets their way of learning (using Gestalts).

    We wanted to support you by exploring items which you may have at home, and we will give you some key phrases which you can start to model with your child. Whereas our last blog introduced the idea of gestalt language processors, we are now developing ideas to give you the tools to implement activities at home. We recognise how overwhelming it may feel, and this is one of the reasons to make activities as straight forward as possible. Therapy does not need to be complicated; it just needs to be carried out on a regular basis.

    Explore the samples I’ve created to give you an idea of how this might look but please consult with a Speech and Language Therapist who knows about Gestalt Language Processing so that you can work together to develop great home activities for your child.

    Want to learn more about gestalt language processing?

    Please contact me for help.

    Find a speech and language therapist for your child in London. Are you concerned about your child’s speech, feeding or communication skills and don’t know where to turn? Please contact me and we can discuss how I can help you or visit my services page.

    1
  • · · · ·

    Managing mealtime sensory overload at holiday gatherings: Supporting children with allergies and feeding differences

    ByLondon Speech and Feeding
    Managing mealtime sensory overload at holiday gatherings: Supporting children with allergies and feeding differences

    Holiday meals are meant to be joyful and something we all look forward to. But for many children and their families, these occasions can be overwhelming and be the cause of dread and worry. The combination of new smells, unfamiliar foods, loud environments, social expectations, and allergy anxieties can quickly turn what should be a festive time into a stressful one.

    For parents of children with sensory processing differences, selective eating challenges, or food allergies, holiday gatherings often require careful planning and a big dose of tolerance and compassion. The good news is that with awareness and a few gentle strategies, you can support your child to feel safe, regulated, and included during festive meals without pressure, tears, or discomfort.

    Let’s explore how to make holiday mealtimes calmer, safer, and more connected this season.

    🎄 Why holiday meals feel so overwhelming

    Holiday gatherings usually combine several sensory triggers all at once:

    • Noisy, chaotic rooms
    • Strong smells from a mix of foods we don’t normally cook
    • Multiple conversations happening at once
    • Bright lights, Christmas décor, flickering candles
    • Unfamiliar foods with unexpected textures
    • Expectations to ‘try everything’ or ‘enjoy it’s sooo good!’
    • New environments, seating arrangements, or routines

    For children with sensory sensitivities, this can feel like a tidal wave of input. Research shows that children who are sensory-sensitive often have heightened responses to smell, taste, and texture, which may lead to avoidance or distress at mealtimes (Cermak, Curtin, & Bandini, 2010).

    Add food allergies into the picture and anxiety increases even further for both children and parents. A 2020 study by DunnGalvin et al. found that children with food allergies experience significantly higher stress in shared eating environments, especially when food preparation or contamination risk is hard to control.

    So, if your child becomes tearful, shuts down, or refuses to sit at the festive table, it isn’t ‘bad behaviour.’ It’s sensory overload, heightened vigilance, or discomfort communicating through their body.

    🌟 Preparing your child for a calmer festive meal

    Preparation is especially important for sensory-sensitive or allergy-aware children. Here’s how to set them up for success:

    1. Offer predictability through previewing

    Before the event, show your child pictures of:

    • where you’re going
    • who will be there
    • the types of foods that might be served
    • where they might sit

    A visual schedule or social story can help reduce anxiety and give your child a sense of control.

    2. Pack safe foods without apology

    If your child has allergies or selective eating, bring:

    • ‘Safe foods’ you know they will eat
    • Backup snacks
    • A separate (their own) plate, if needed
    • Emergency medication

    Announce clear, firm boundaries such as:

    ‘Ok people, these are Jamie’s safe foods — we’ll stick with these today.’ This will help relatives understand without pressure or judgement.

    3. Choose seating that supports sensory regulation

    If possible, seat your child:

    • at the end of the table
    • near a familiar adult
    • away from the kitchen (strong smells)
    • away from noise clusters
    • give them their favourite toy or fidget whilst waiting

    Let them take breaks when needed. This isn’t ‘rude,’ it’s self-regulation.

    🍽️ Supporting children during the meal

    1. Focus on connection, not consumption

    The holidays are not the time to expand your child’s food range. Keeping mealtimes low-pressure actually supports long-term progress.

    In fact, the research is clear: pressuring children to eat decreases acceptance and increases refusal (Galloway et al., 2006).

    So instead of ‘Just try it!’ try:

    • ‘You don’t have to eat it, you can look at it.’
    • ‘You’re in charge of what goes in your mouth.’
    • ‘You can keep your safe foods on your plate.’

    2. Protect your child’s allergy safety

    Holiday meals often include:

    • cross-contamination risks
    • shared utensils
    • buffets
    • homemade dishes without ingredient lists

    Use gentle but firm scripts:

    • ‘Because of Ellie’s allergies, we’ll keep her plate separate.’
    • ‘We’ll serve her food ourselves to make sure she stays safe.’

    Confidence in your boundary helps others respect it.

    3. Manage sensory load in real time

    Offer:

    • headphones
    • a small chew or fidget toy
    • a designated ‘calm corner’
    • time outside for fresh air
    • a predictable signal for breaks (e.g., a hand squeeze or card)

    Remember, sensory regulation is healthcare, not ‘giving in.’

    4. Model calm eating

    Children learn most from watching.

    Slow, happy bites and relaxed facial expressions tell the nervous system: ‘This environment is safe’.

    💛 What to say to well-meaning relatives

    Families often have big feelings about food. You can prepare nice phrases like:

    • ‘We’re focusing on helping him feel safe around food today.’
    • ‘She has allergies, so we’re sticking to our plan.’
    • ‘We’re avoiding pressure because it helps him eat better long term.’
    • ‘We’re celebrating together, eating is not the goal today.’

    Setting expectations ahead of time can reduce awkward moments later.

    🎁 The bigger picture: It’s about safety, not ‘picky eating’

    Children with allergies, sensory differences, or feeding challenges aren’t trying to be difficult. They are trying to stay safe, regulated, and comfortable.

    Your calm presence, gentle boundaries, and preparation create the conditions for a holiday that feels peaceful, not pressured.

    Sonja McGeachie

    Highly Specialist Speech and Language Therapist

    Owner of The London Speech and Feeding Practice.

    Health Professions Council registered
    Royal College of Speech & Language Therapists Member
    Member of ASLTIP

    Find a speech and language therapist for your child in London. Are you concerned about your child’s speech, feeding or communication skills and don’t know where to turn? Please contact me and we can discuss how I can help you or visit my services page.

    📚Research References

    Cermak, S. A., Curtin, C., & Bandini, L. G. (2010). Food selectivity and sensory sensitivity in children with autism spectrum disorders. Journal of the American Dietetic Association, 110(2), 238–246.

    DunnGalvin, A. et al. (2020). APPEAL-2: A pan-European qualitative study to explore the burden of peanut-allergic children, teenagers and their caregivers. Clinical & Experimental Allergy, 50(11), 1238–1248.

    Galloway, A. T., Fiorito, L. M., Francis, L. A., & Birch, L. L. (2006). ‘Finish your soup!’ Counterproductive effects of pressuring children to eat on intake and affect. Appetite, 46(3), 318–323.

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