The quiet power: Why silence and responsiveness boost communication in children with delays

ByLondon Speech and Feeding
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The quiet power: Why silence and responsiveness boost communication in children with delays
Supplied by Sonja McGeachie, Practice Owner

As parents and caregivers, our natural instinct when interacting with a child, especially one who struggles with communication, is often to fill every silence. We might ask lots of questions, offer constant commentary, or try to prompt him or her to speak. Our hearts are in the right place. We want to help him or her communicate! However, for children with language delays or those on the autism spectrum, this well-intentioned approach can sometimes inadvertently create more pressure and fewer opportunities for them to truly initiate and develop their own communication skills.

What if I told you that one of the most powerful tools in your communication toolkit is often silence? And that responding to your child, rather than always initiating, can unlock incredible potential?

Let’s explore why these seemingly simple strategies are so profoundly beneficial.

The unspoken benefits of silence

In our fast-paced world, silence can feel awkward, but for a child who is processing language differently, it’s a gift:

  1. Time to process: Children with language delays often need more time to process what they hear and to formulate their own thoughts or responses. When we bombard them with words, we don’t give their brains the crucial milliseconds they need to catch up. A pause of 5–10 seconds can make all the difference.
  2. Reduces pressure: Constant questioning or prompting can feel like a test. Silence removes this pressure, creating a more relaxed environment where the child feels safe to communicate without fear of being ‘wrong’ or rushed.
  3. Creates opportunity to initiate: If you’re always talking, when does your child get a turn to start the conversation? Silence opens up a space for him or her to initiate, whether it’s through a sound, a gesture, eye contact, or a word. This is vital for developing spontaneous communication.
  4. Encourages independent thinking: When a child is given space, he or she is more likely to try to figure things out himself or herself. This fosters problem-solving skills and reduces reliance on adult prompts.
  5. Prevents overwhelm (especially for ASD): Many children on the autism spectrum can be sensitive to auditory input. A constant stream of language can be overwhelming, leading to withdrawal or challenging behaviours. Strategic pauses can help them regulate and engage more effectively.

The power of responding (not just initiating)

Think of a tennis match: if only one person serves, it’s not a game. Communication is a rally, a back-and-forth exchange. When you primarily respond to your child’s communication attempts, you’re teaching him or her the rhythm of conversation:

  1. Follow the child’s lead: This is a cornerstone of effective language intervention, famously championed by programs like Hanen’s ‘It Takes Two to Talk’. When you respond to what your child is already interested in or doing, the interaction becomes immediately relevant and motivating for him or her.
  2. Validates his or her attempts: Every sound, gesture, glance, or partial word your child offers is a communication attempt. By responding to it, you’re telling him or her, ‘I see you. I hear you. Your communication matters.’ This builds immense confidence and encourages him or her to try again.
  3. Builds confidence and motivation: When a child feels understood and successful in his or her communication, he or she are more likely to communicate more often. It’s a positive feedback loop.
  4. Teaches turn-taking naturally: By taking your turn after his or hers, you model the natural flow of conversation. He or she learns that communication is a shared activity, not a one-sided lecture.
  5. Makes interactions meaningful: When you respond to his or her interests, you’re talking about things that are inherently motivating to him or her. This makes the language you use more easily understood and remembered.

Practical strategies for parents: Observe, Wait, Listen (OWL)

The Hanen Centre’s ‘Observe, Wait, Listen’ (OWL) strategy perfectly encapsulates these principles:

  • Observe: Watch your child closely. What is he or she looking at? What is he or she doing? What sounds is he or she making? What gestures is he or she using?
  • Wait: After you’ve observed, wait. Give him or her time. Resist the urge to jump in with a question or comment immediately. Count to five (or even ten) in your head. This silence is an invitation for him or her to communicate.
  • Listen: When he or she does communicate (in any way!), listen intently. Try to understand his or her message or intent.

Beyond OWL – More tips:

  • Reduce questions, increase comments: Instead of ‘What’s that?’ try ‘Oh, a big red ball!’ or ‘The car is going fast!’ Comments provide language models without demanding a verbal response.
  • Expand, don’t just prompt: If your child says ‘Car’, you could respond with ‘Yes, That’s a big car!’ or ‘It’s really fast!’ You’re building on his or her communication with a slightly richer language model.
  • Create opportunities for communication: Place desired items slightly out of reach. This creates a natural reason for your child to communicate his or her wants (e.g., reaching, pointing, vocalising).
  • Respond to all communication: Don’t just wait for words. If your child points, look where he or she is pointing and comment. If he or she makes a sound, imitate it or respond with a related word.

In summary

Embracing silence and prioritising responsiveness might feel counterintuitive at first, especially when you’re eager for your child to talk. However, these powerful strategies create a nurturing, low-pressure environment that encourages spontaneous communication, builds confidence, and truly meets your child where he or she is. By giving your child the space and the meaningful responses he or she needs, you’re laying a strong foundation for his or her communication journey.

Try incorporating these ‘quiet powers’ into your daily interactions and watch your child’s communication blossom.

Sonja McGeachie

Highly Specialist Speech and Language Therapist

Owner of The London Speech and Feeding Practice.

Health Professions Council registered
Royal College of Speech & Language Therapists Member
Member of ASLTIP

Find a speech and language therapist for your child in London. Are you concerned about your child’s speech, feeding or communication skills and don’t know where to turn? Please contact me and we can discuss how I can help you or visit my services page.

1

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    ByLondon Speech and Feeding
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    When a child’s speech is difficult to understand, it can feel overwhelming for everyone involved. As a parent, your instinct is often to focus on helping your child ‘talk properly’. And that makes complete sense. Speech is important. But here’s the key message I want to share with you:

    Speech is just one way to communicate.

    And when speech is not yet clear, not yet reliable, or not yet available, children need other ways to get their message across.

    This is where Total Communication comes in.

    What is Total Communication?

    Total Communication is an approach that encourages the use of all available ways to communicate, not just speech.

    This can include:

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    • gestures and pointing
    • facial expressions
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    It’s not about replacing speech. It’s about supporting communication in every possible way.

    Think of it like this: if speech is currently unclear or limited, why restrict a child to the hardest route? Why not give them more tools to succeed?

    ‘But won’t this stop my child from talking?’

    This is one of the most common concerns I hear in clinic.

    Parents often worry that if a child starts using signs or a communication device, they will become ‘dependent’ on it and stop trying to talk.

    The research tells us something very different.

    Studies consistently show that AAC does not prevent speech development. In fact, it often supports it.

    • A review by Millar, Light & Schlosser (2006) found that AAC interventions do not reduce speech production and may actually increase it.
    • Romski & Sevcik (2005) demonstrated that children given AAC often develop stronger overall communication skills, including spoken language.
    • More recent work continues to show that providing AAC early can accelerate language development, not delay it.

    So rather than ‘giving up on speech’, using AAC is actually building the foundations that speech needs.

    Why Total Communication matters, especially for unintelligible children

    When a child is very difficult to understand, they are often experiencing a hidden frustration:

    ‘I know what I want to say, but no one understands me.’

    Over time, this can lead to:

    • reduced confidence
    • behavioural frustration
    • withdrawal from communication
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    If a child cannot successfully communicate, they communicate less. And when they communicate less, their language development slows down.

    Total Communication breaks this cycle.

    By giving a child reliable ways to be understood, we:

    • reduce frustration
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    • build confidence
    • create more opportunities for language learning

    And importantly, we allow them to show us what they already know.

    AAC is a bridge, not a barrier

    Using AAC (whether that’s pointing to pictures, signing, or using a device) does something powerful:

    It separates language from speech.

    A child might have lots of ideas, vocabulary, and understanding but their speech system (especially in cases like phonological disorder or childhood apraxia of speech) cannot yet keep up.

    AAC allows the child to:

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    • practise sentence structure
    • develop vocabulary
    • take part in conversations

    All while their speech is still developing.

    In other words, AAC doesn’t replace speech. It keeps language moving forward while speech catches up.

    What does this look like in real life?

    In therapy, I often use a combination of approaches:

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    • pointing to symbols while talking
    • encouraging children to gesture or show
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    • incorporating an AAC device such as LAMP Words for Life

    You might see a child:

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    • point to a symbol
    • use a gesture
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    ‘I just want them to talk’

    Of course you do. And I do too!! That’s always the goal.

    But here’s the important shift in thinking:

    Children learn to talk by communicating, not by waiting until speech is perfect.

    If we hold out for clear speech before allowing other communication methods, we risk:

    • limiting their ability to interact
    • reducing practice opportunities
    • increasing frustration

    But if we support all communication, we give them:

    • more chances to express themselves
    • more positive communication experiences
    • more input and feedback

    And that is what drives progress.

    A balanced approach

    Total Communication doesn’t mean ‘speech is no longer important’.

    It means:

    • we continue targeted speech therapy
    • we work on sounds and clarity
    • and we support communication in the meantime

    It’s not either/or.

    It’s both/and.

    Final thought

    If your child’s speech is difficult to understand, the most important question is not:

    ‘Are they talking clearly yet?’

    It’s:

    ‘Can they successfully communicate?’

    Because communication is the foundation of:

    • relationships
    • learning
    • confidence
    • wellbeing

    And every child deserves a voice, in whatever form that voice takes right now.

    Feel free to contact me if your child needs help with speech and communication.

    Sonja McGeachie

    Highly Specialist Speech and Language Therapist

    Owner of The London Speech and Feeding Practice.

    References (parent-friendly):

    Health Professions Council registered
    Royal College of Speech & Language Therapists Member
    Member of ASLTIP

    Find a speech and language therapist for your child in London. Are you concerned about your child’s speech, feeding or communication skills and don’t know where to turn? Please contact me and we can discuss how I can help you or visit my services page.

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    Contact me avia my contact form if you would like me to work with your child.

    Sonja McGeachie

    Highly Specialist Speech and Language Therapist

    Owner of The London Speech and Feeding Practice.

    Reference

    Bryan A (1997) Colourful semantics. In: Chiat S, Law J, and Marshall J (eds) Language disorders in children and adults: psycholinguistic approaches to therapy. London: Whurr, 143–61.

    Health Professions Council registered
    Royal College of Speech & Language Therapists Member
    Member of ASLTIP

    Find a speech and language therapist for your child in London. Are you concerned about your child’s speech, feeding or communication skills and don’t know where to turn? Please contact me and we can discuss how I can help you or visit my services page.

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    AAC Systems and Speech and Language Development

    ByLondon Speech and Feeding

    Introduction

    I see a lot of minimally speaking or non-verbal children in my practice. Some children are autistic and others are severely challenged with motor planning and some are both. Some children are simply delayed in their spoken language for reasons that we don’t quite know yet.

    Regardless of the causes, what is always apparent pretty quickly is that apart from the odd gestures or Makaton signs (mainly ‘more” ‘finished’ and “biscuit) we don’t have a robust alternative for speech in place. Instead, what we often have is a child with lots of frustration and tantrums and some behaviours we really don’t want like: hitting, biting, pushing, grabbing and often throwing… There are others, too many to mention, but we don’t enjoy watching our children in these states. And we are often fearful of what might happen next if we don’t find a way to calm our child.

    Fear not

    In my work, before I get to offer an alternative means of communication, I often have to work with a fair amount of resistance on the parents’ side as parents tend to feel that allowing such a system into their lives will prevent their child from speaking. They fear that their child will so enjoy pressing those buttons that they will become lazy and not talk at all.

    I totally get it!

    Parents often feel overwhelmed by the task of getting their own heads round how to use AAC, either in paper form or a computerised system. This can be a great turn-off for lots of people who feel they are not very “techy” – like myself actually! Indeed, it is true to say that I resisted operating in this field for a long time as I didn’t feel able to navigate electronic devices. But fear not. Truly, most systems are very user-friendly. The support is great. And I have managed to become quite proficient in one or two of these systems, through using it daily. It really is as simple as that.

    Alternative and Augmentative Communication (AAC)

    There is plenty of research on the efficacy of Alternative and Augmentative Communication (AAC). It is now very well understood and proven that, once we introduce our child to a good, attractive way of communicating that they can actually do, in time children who can speak will speak. Speaking is more effective than any AAC system. It is more versatile, more fun, and when human beings have discovered how to speak, most will do so in favour of any other system.

    Many children and adults, for many reasons, were never going to speak an awful lot, or with great difficulty. Or they were not going to like to speak. Or they were going to like to speak some times but not other times… And for all those people an AAC system is invaluable and a wonderful resource.

    Neuro-diversity affirming means that we do not impose one system of communication on our children (speaking with our mouth) only because it is the one we are using and most people we know too.

    Of course, we want the best for our children, and we want them to have the easiest and most straight forward existence on Earth. Of course we do. Speaking with our mouth does help with that. But we must come to understand that not all children and people feel like that and they struggle to use their mouth for talking.

    Personal experience

    I have difficulties understanding this myself, I will be very honest here. And I will say that – shoot me down in flames SLT fraternity – but I am learning to accept that using an AAC system proficiently is a very good alternative for when speech is not coming. I am learning to accept that some people are perfectly able to speak, and might do so but not always and only when conditions are right. I came into the profession as a speech therapist with the idea that I would help anybody that came to me to speak with their mouth. But I have changed my stance on that and now am happy to help anybody that comes to me to communicate most effectively with whatever works for them. I will always try for speech if I can … Just because it’s easiest!

    Acceptance

    Now I will equally celebrate a child pointing to a symbol or making a sign for something. It is a fantastic moment when it happens for the parents and me and the child! And we can always hope for more speech to come as we go. Nothing wrong with our aspirations, is there?

    The basic premise is this: accept any mode of communication as valid, as long as your communication partner understands what it means. Don’t require individuals to repeat themselves in another modality. Do model the response in the modality you are trying to teach. So, a child can point to a symbol and I will respond with speaking (with my mouth) but I will also respond by pointing to a symbol because that way I am signalling that both are ok and that I have understood and am encouraging the person to say some more.

    Here is some research;

    Binger, C., Berens, J., Kent-Walsh, J., & Taylor, S. (2008) The effects of aided AAC interventions on AAC use, speech and symbolic gestures. Seminars in Speech and Language, 29, 101-111.

    Sennott, S.C., Light, J., & McNaughton, D. (2016). AAC modelling intervention research review. Research and Practice for Persons with Severe Disabilities, 41, 101–15.

    Dada, S., & Alant, E. (2009). The effect of aided language stimulation on vocabulary acquisition in children with little or no functional speech. American Journal of Speech-Language Pathology, 18, 50–64.

    Contact me if you would like your child to have neurodiversity affirming speech and language therapy.

    Find a speech and language therapist for your child in London. Are you concerned about your child’s speech, feeding or communication skills and don’t know where to turn? Please contact me and we can discuss how I can help you or visit my services page.

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  • ·

    Why Imitation is so Important

    ByLondon Speech and Feeding
    Target Activities and Games For Kids

    Why imitation is so important and how can speech and language therapy help children who struggle to imitate?

    Imitation or copying starts in early infancy. When we observe a young baby and his parent or familiar adult we can see clearly and frequently that the baby will be intently looking at adult’s face and try to copy their facial expressions, smiles and all those funny baby sounds we often make with young babies.

    These sounds are called “motherese” and are the beginnings of a little conversation between the parent and the baby. The “conversation can go back and forth for a long time and include sounds, as well as facial expressions.

    A little later on, once the baby can crawl and sit up unaided the copying then goes on to include toys and objects. Mum or Dad will show their toddler how to use a drum or how to put a little train on the wooden tracks and the toddler will try and copy this. They may not succeed and be a little clumsy perhaps but the act of copying anything and everything their favourite adult does is typically seen throughout the day.

    We all know and have laughed at mums or dads saying; ssshhh don’t say that in front of the baby he/she will copy you, watch your mouth! (as dad is swearing at the broken radiator….)

    This imitation goes on for years and includes eventually of course little words, more words, putting words together and then creating sentences, all the while our toddler is listening to how their adults speak, not only what they say but how they say it. This is how dialects and accents can be transmitted easily from parent /family to child.

    Copying in Children with Autism

    We know that children with autism often struggle to imitate. We see children on the spectrum typically having great difficulty to copy adults or children; this can be seen in very reduced play with their peers in nursery for example.

    Children with autism tend to have reduced joint attention and engagement with others and need to develop the ability and awareness to copy others in order to then engage more jointly with others.

    Speech and Language Therapy can help with Parent Child Interaction work and Coaching, here is how:

    During my coaching work with parents I teach step by step how to help a child who struggles to imitate:

    We look at all the researched skills and actions that adults can take to help their little one to copy, starting with close observation of their child’s interests, then following and including their child’s play and copying/imitating their child in how they play. I teach steps in a graduated way so that it is easy to see the progress and joyful to have the results at the end.

    The results are clear to see over time: our children on the spectrum learn to imitate actions, with objects and gestures, then sounds and words. Alongside this increased imitation skill the child can then develop more joint attention and engagement.

    I would always recommend Parent Child Interaction Training as a first port of call as we learn so many great techniques which are well researched by the Hanen Programme, www.hanen.org. Do drop me a line if you would like to find out more.

    Find a speech and language therapist for your child in London. Are you concerned about your child’s speech, feeding or communication skills and don’t know where to turn? Please contact me and we can discuss how I can help you or visit my services page.

  • · · ·

    Autism – Benefits of Early Assessment and Intervention

    ByLondon Speech and Feeding
    I think my child might be autistic – how can we help?
    Image by macrovector on Freepik

    Consulting a Specialist Speech and Language Therapist can help you in several ways: assessment, informal and formal observation, discussion and advice, onward referrals, direct intervention, parent coaching, educational support and much more, all geared towards supporting you the parents, and helping your child to flourish and thrive.

    First up, we can help you with assessment and advice: with a wealth of expertise in observing childrens’ play and communication, as well as knowledge of the latest research we can see a child’s strengths and areas of struggle very quickly indeed.

    Within a short space of time, we can identify the areas we need to focus on and start guiding you towards helping your child to connect, respond, react and feel better.

    Early detection is key

    If autism is detected in infancy, then therapy can take full advantage of the brain’s plasticity. It is hard to diagnose Autism before 18 months but there are early signs we know to look out for. Let’s have a brief look at the sorts of things we look at.

    The earliest signs of Autism involve more of an absence of typical behaviours and not the presence of atypical ones.

    • Often the earliest signs are that a baby is very quiet and undemanding. Some babies don’t respond to being cuddled or spoken to. Baby is being described as a ‘good baby, so quiet, no trouble at all’.
    • Baby is very object focused: he/she may look for long periods of time at a red spot/twinkly item further away, at the corner of the room for example.
    • Baby does not make eye contact: we can often see that a baby looks at your glasses for example instead of ‘connecting’ with your eyes.
    • At around 4 months we should see a baby copying adults’ facial expressions and some body movements, gestures and then increasingly cooing sounds we make; babies who were later diagnosed with autism were not seen to be doing this.
    • Baby does not respond with smiles by about 6 months.
    • By about 9 months, baby does not share sounds in a back-and-forth fashion.
    • By about 12 months baby does not respond/turn their heads when their name is called.
    • By around 16 months we have no spoken words; perhaps we hear sounds that sound like ‘speech’ but we cannot make out what the sounds are.
    • By about 24 months we see no meaningful two-word combinations that are self-generated by the toddler. We might see some copying of single words.

    24 months plus:

    • Our child is not interested in other children or people and seems unaware of others in the same room/play area.
    • Our child prefers to play alone, and dislikes being touched, held or cuddled.
    • He/she does not share an interest or draw attention to their own achievements e.g., ‘daddy look I got a dog’.
    • We can see our child not being aware that others are talking to them.
    • We see very little creative pretend play.
    • In the nursery our child might be rough with other children, pushing, pinching or scratching, biting sometimes; or our child might simply not interact with others and be unable to sit in a circle when asked to.

    What sort of speech and language difficulties might we see?

    Our child might do any of the following:

    • have no speech at all, but uses body movements to request things, takes adults by the hand
    • repeat the same word or phrase over and over; sometimes straight away after we have said it or sometimes hours later
    • repeat phrases and songs from adverts or videos, nursery rhymes or what dad says every day when he gets back from work etc.
    • copy our way of intonation
    • not understand questions – and respond by repeating the question just asked:
      • adult: Do you want apple? child: do you want apple?
    • not understand directions or only high frequency directions in daily life
    • avoid eye contact or sometimes ‘stares’
    • lack of pointing or other gestures

    Common behaviours:

    • Hand flapping
    • Rocking back-and-forth
    • Finger flicking or wriggling/moving
    • Lining up items/toys
    • Wheel spinning, spinning around self
    • Flicking lights on and off, or other switches
    • Running back-and-forth in the room, needing to touch each wall/door
    • Loud screaming when excited
    • Bashing ears when frustrated or excited
    • Atypical postures or walking, tip toeing, can be falling over easily, uncoordinated
    • Can be hyper sensitive to noises, smells, textures, foods, clothing, hair cutting, washing etc.
    • Being rigid and inflexible, needing to stick to routines, unable to transition into new environments
    • Food sensitivity, food avoidance, food phobias

    I mentioned this to be a ‘brief’ look at the areas and it is: each topic is looked at very deeply and each area is multi-facetted therefore a diagnosis is rarely arrived at very quickly. We want to make sure we have covered all aspects and have got to know your child very well before coming to conclusions.

    Early detection is key, because we want to start helping your child to make progress as quickly as is possible. If you feel /know that your child is delayed in their speech and language development and you would like a professional opinion then please do contact me, I look forward to supporting you. It is important to know at this point, that if your child only has one or two of the above aspects it may mean that your child is simply delayed for reasons other than Autism and if that is the case, we will be able to help you iron out a few areas of need so that your child can go on thriving.

    If you need help with your child, please do not hesitate to contact me.

    Find a speech and language therapist for your child in London. Are you concerned about your child’s speech, feeding or communication skills and don’t know where to turn? Please contact me and we can discuss how I can help you or visit my services page.

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